ISLAM in Action 
Obedience to Husbands Earns the Pleasure of Allah
Halaqah August 8, 2003
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• Original Poem
• Lesson Outline
• The Companion's Way

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1. Choose and be chosen well
1. "Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity" (Qur'an 24:26)
2. Look for and possess the qualities of real attraction
1. Sound in religious understanding
2. Pure of heart
3. Clean-living
2. Husbands and Wives have Shared Rights
1. Trust in each other’s ability to be steadfast, honorable and reliable
2. Love each other for the Sake of Allah
3. Mercy is showered between each other with frequency and ease
4. Confidence without doubts as to truthfulness in act and intention
5. Kind treatment shown with warm affection, respect and good actions
6. Confidential secrets stay that way
7. Family bonds are strengthened and supported by both partners
3. Those who follow the Qur’an and the Sunnah will delight in obedience to their husbands
1. "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard." (Holy Qur’an 4:34)
2. "They {your wives}are your garments and ye are their garments." (Holy Qur’an 2:187)
3. The Prophet (saaws) said the best woman amongst you is the one that if you look at her, it will please you and if you order her, she will obey you and if you are absent away from her, she will protect herself and your property.
4. The Prophet (saaws) said this world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous woman.
5. The Prophet (saaws) said no human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted he would have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them.
6. A woman came to ask the Prophet (PBUH) about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, "Do you have a husband?" She said, "Yes." He asked her, "How are you with him?" She said, "I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me." He said, "Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell."
7. The Prophet (saaws) said if a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: `Enter Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish.’
8. The Prophet (saaws) said any woman who dies, and her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.
9. The Prophet (saaws) said it is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allah (SWT) to allow anyone into her husband's house whom he dislikes; or to go out when he does not want her to; or to obey anyone else against him; or to forsake his bed; or to hit him. If he is wrong, then let her come to him until he is pleased with her, and if he accepts her then all is well, Allah (SWT) will accept her deeds and make her position stronger, and there will be no sin on her. If he does not accept her, then at least she will have done her best and excused herself in the sight of Allah.
4. Seek ways to please your husband in order to earn Allah’s Pleasure
1. Do not complain overmuch
1. Thankfulness in all situations is the hallmark of the Muslim
2. Learn from the lesson of Fatima who worked manual labor until her hands were sore. When she approached her father for succor, the Prophet (saaws) gave her the knowledge of dhikr instead of a maidservant to help her with chores – what better comfort?
3. Learn from the lesson of ‘Asma bint Abi Bakr who served her husband in his meager home and carried dates on her head long distances. When the Prophet of Allah came upon her in the midst of her walking, he kneeled his camel to allow her to ride behind him. She refused out of respect for her husband’s protectiveness to which he later replied his greater shame was not to have her ride with the Prophet but to have her in such a state of hard work.
2. Respond to his call
1. You are the strong barrier between him and the siren-song call of the dunya
2. The Prophet (saaws) said if a man calls his wife, then let her come, even if she is busy at the oven. (Feeding the joys of marriage takes precedence over feeding the stomach!)
3. Tenderness inspires closeness of his heart to yours
1. ‘Aisha used to place perfume on the Prophet (saaws) with her own hands
2. ‘Aisha used to comb and care for the Prophet’s hair with her own hands
3. Use YOUR hands to surround your husband with loving affection
4. Take heed from the words of ‘Aisha, our Mother, who was a firm believer in women’s rights and obligations as well as one of the highest scholars of Islam, who said, "O womenfolk, if you knew the rights that your husbands have over you, every one of you would wipe the dust from her husband's feet with her face."
4. Treat his family with accepting kindness
1. Some in-laws of poor character can be a test, pass it with cleverness, courtesy and repelling evil with what is better
2. The Prophet (saaws) said a husband has rights over a wife and a mother has rights over her son. Do not exclude your husband’s mother from her son’s life and her Islamic right to be treated well by him and his family (you!).
5. Timing is everything
1. Greet your husband with good news and kind greetings
2. Prepare yourself, your home and your children for his arrival
3. Tune into his moods and respond appropriately; joyful chatter while your husband is angry over a work situation will only open the door to spilling this discontent into the family
6. Support your husband in practical terms
1. Offer advice
2. Educate yourself regarding the issues at hand
3. Inquire with respect and concern
4. Renew his energy
5. You are the safe harbor of protection for his wounds
6. Wear the role of ‘Muslim Wife’ with pride and effort for Allah’s Cause
7. Femininity is the gratification of Muslim Women
1. Bakrah bint `Uqbah came to `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) and asked her about henna. `A'ishah said, "It comes from a good tree and pure water." She asked her about removing body hair, and she said, "If you have a husband, and you could remove your eyes and replace them with something better, then do it."
2. Beauty is not only visual; appeal to your husband through kindness, cheerfulness and a good nature
3. Intelligence is not only learned from a book; women have the ability to touch their husbands with a deep personal knowledge unmatched by any other woman
8. Chastity is a requirement for you and for your successful marriage: "And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze . . ." (Qur'an 24:31)
9. Tolerance and forgiveness is a requirement for you and your successful marriage: ". . . Let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you?" (Qur'an 24:22)
5. Help your husband (and yourself!) to success in the AKHIRA
1. The Prophet (saaws) said: `May Allah have mercy on the man who gets up at night to pray and wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah have mercy on the woman who gets up at night to pray, and wakes her husband up to pray, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.’
2. Encourage him to give charity for this increases both your rewards
3. Adhere to your own Islamic strength of character, lead by example
4. Enrich and nourish yourself & your husband through du’aa to place and keep you on The Path
5. Your goal is Jennah … run every step of the way, jumping over any hurdles shaytan will try and place to block you. Some bumps in the road will be small urges to "do your own thing" and "be independent" others will be large incitements to "argue", "fight", "be right at any cost" … leap them all with the Flight of Faith!
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One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best-looking, richest and strongest, came to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah - before he became Muslim. Many of the young women of Yathrib liked him because of his wealth, strength and youthful good looks, and he thought that Umm Sulaym would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his astonishment, she told him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship is just a tree that grew in the ground and was carved into shape by the slave of Banu so-and-so." He said, "Of course." She said, "Do you not feel ashamed to prostrate yourself to a piece of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by the slave of Banu so-and-so?" Abu Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she persisted in her point of view, and told him frankly: "O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not be turned away, but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted for me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry, and I would ask you for nothing more."

He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger dowry and more generous gift, but she stood firm, and her persistance and maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes. She said to him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship was carved by the carpenter slave of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn." Her words came as a shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, Does the Lord burn? Then he uttered the words: "Ashhadu an la ilaha ill-Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul-Allah."

Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire being, "O Anas, marry me to Abu Talhah." So Anas brought witnesses and the marriage was solemnized.

Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his wealth at Umm Sulaym's disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless, proud, sincere believing woman. She told him, "O Abu Talhah, I married you for the sake of Allah (SWT), and I will not take any other dowry." She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only win herself a worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah (SWT) that was better than owning red camels (the most highly-prized kind) in this world, as she had heard the Prophet (PBUH) say:

A son of Abu Talhah by Umm Sulaym died. Umm Sulaym told her family, `Do not tell Abu Talhah about his son until I tell him about it.' Abu Talhah came home, so she prepared dinner for him, and he ate and drank. Then she beautified herself in a way that she had never done before, and he had sexual intercourse with her. When she saw that he was satisfied, she said, `O Abu Talhah, do you think that if a people lent something to a household, then asked for it back, do they have the right not to return it?' He said, `No.' She said, `Then resign yourself to the death of your son.' Abu Talhah became angry and said, `You let me indulge myself and then you tell me about my son!'

He went to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and told him what had happened. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, `May Allah bless both of you for this night!' Umm Sulaym became pregnant. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) went on a journey, and she accompanied him. Whenever the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) came back from a journey, he never entered Madinah at night. When they (the travelling-party) approached Madinah, her labour-pains started. Abu Talhah stayed with her, and the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) went on ahead to Madinah. Abu Talhah said, `O Lord, You know how I love to go out with Your Messenger when he goes out, and to come back with him when he comes back, and I have been detained, as You see.' Umm Sulaym said, `O Abu Talhah, I do not feel as much pain as I did before, so let us go on.' When they reached (Madinah), her labour-pains started again, and she gave birth to a boy. My mother said to me, `O Anas, nobody should feed him until you take him to the Messenger of Allah in the morning.' So when morning came, I took the baby to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH), and when I met him he was carrying an iron tool. When he saw me, he said, `I hope that Umm Sulaym has given birth.' I said, `Yes.' So he put down the tool and I brought the child to him and placed him in his lap. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) called for some of the dates of Madinah. He chewed it until it became soft, then he put it in the baby's mouth and the baby began to smack his lips. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: `See how much the Ansar love dates!' Then he wiped the baby's face and named him `Abdullah."

How great was Umm Sulaym's faith, and how magnificent her patience and virtue! How bravely she hid her pain from her husband and endeared herself to him. She managed to conceal her grief at the loss of her beloved son and spent that time with her husband patiently hoping that by being a good wife to her husband she might earn the pleasure of Allah (SWT). This is true, deep and sincere faith.

Allah (SWT) answered the Prophet's prayer for Umm Sulaym and her husband, and she became pregnant from that night. When she was heavily pregnant, she saw her husband Abu Talhah preparing to set out on another military campaign with the Messenger of Allah (PBUH). She insisted on partaking of the honour of jihad with him alongside the Messenger of Allah (PBUH), even though she was in the later stages of pregnancy. Her husband took pity on her because of the difficulties of the journey and the heat of the desert, but he still asked the Prophet (PBUH) for permission to let her come with him, and he gave his permission because he knew her strength of character and love of jihad.

Umm Sulaym was present when the Muslims were triumphant at Makkah, and when they were sorely tested at Hunayn. She stood firm, as solid as a rock, alongside her husband and the small group of believers around the Prophet (PBUH), even though she was pregnant, at that most difficult time when many others had fled, and she remained there until Allah (SWT) brought victory to the believers.

The mujahid army returned to Madinah, and her labour began. When the pains became intense, she and her husband stayed behind for a while, but her husband prayed to his Lord in the still of night becasue he loved to go out and return with the Prophet (PBUH). Suddenly the pains ceased; she told her husband and they set out to follow the army that had gone on ahead. They caught up with them, and after they had entered Madinah, Umm Sulaym's labour pains began anew. She gave birth to a boy, and his brother on his mother's side, Anas, brought him to the Prophet (PBUH), who fed him a small amount of dates (tahnik) and named him `Abdullah. The prayer of the Prophet (PBUH) for this baby was fulfilled, as among his descendents were ten great scholars.

No doubt Allah (SWT) knew the sincerity of Umm Sulaym's faith, and conveyed the good news of Paradise to her via His Prophet (PBUH):